August 23, 2004
°•ñïx▪ļėřƒ▫Þėǻçħ•°
Just went blog reading and read some
it-sounds-real-and-ture to me stuff. yea stuff.
About coming online to seek solace
but wounding up with something undesired.
The effects of games. =/
you're a stranger.
A total stranger to me -
only that I know your name.
It too has a striking resemblance
of the friend i used to know.
Why, your attitude is different from her!
I guess i prefer my old friend.
Her attitude is what i prefer.
I dont want rich wannabe-s as friends.
I want down-to-earth friends,
who neither feels inferior or superior,
when they hang out with me.
I want friends who I can look in the eye,
and talk, full of smiles and secrets,
be sure it doesnt leak out
and I shall thank God for giving me
a chance to be friends with those I desire.
I want friends to be serious when appropriate,
and play with me at the right time.
One who would cry with me, or laugh with me.
I want friends with a listening year.
One who would listen to my pleas,
give me good advices and keep them confidential.
One who lends me a helping hand
and see no fault in me.
Seriously, am I asking for too much?
I wonder if you treat me as a best friend -
because I treat you like one.
We're not as close as before.
But it was because I couldnt.
You stopped me before I could make things better.
And i realise it a moment too late.
A moment after you closed that door
of the path I've been walking all along.
I'm in a dead end. I'm lost.
The door was one I went through everyday,
but not any longer. You closed it.
I am saddened. But this you cannot see.
Time have passed.
Now all I see is a stranger.
A stranger whom I do not dare look in the eye.
To share my happiness and sorrow.
To care and help for.
I'm hesitating to knock on this door of yours,
fearing I'd adrupt your life, your peace, your friends.
You don't listen when I'm serious anymore.
It comes in one ear, and out the other.
Shall I stuff a earplug of patience in one ear?
So you would strain to hear me,
Or so my words stay in,
Or give you patience for adopting a listening ear?
You seem to treat me differently.
I do not dare talk to you.
You're apologising. For what - I do not know.
I'm at lost - Whose fault is this.
Am I being paranoid? Thinking too much?
Always looking towards the worst?
I cry.
I can't talk to you like I did, like I do to others.
I want to try. But I do not dare.
I hope you chance upon this blog,
and see how i feel deep down.
Yes, you may say I'm a coward.
But it's hard to explain.
Its hard to try. I fear the outcomes.
I've been brooding it every moment I'm awake.
It's like a throbbing headache with no cure.
It's like a nightmare running through my life.
I counter this with my sleep - but when i wake up,
this horrible feeling comes back. It's haunting me.
Teach me. Tell me.
I'm lost - For the umpteeneth time in life.
You talk to me as if nothing happened.
I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle.
I don't know.
It seems so certain you'd win this battle.
But I'll feel bad when that day comes.
This is hurting me badly.
Tell me what am I to say.
I want to go star-gazing.
But there's no stars in sight tonight.
In hope for a better tomorrow.
-nIx- @ [[8:50 PM]]
°•ñïx▪ļėřƒ▫Þėǻçħ•°
Just went blog reading and read some
it-sounds-real-and-ture to me stuff. yea stuff.
About coming online to seek solace
but wounding up with something undesired.
The effects of games. =/
you're a stranger.
A total stranger to me -
only that I know your name.
It too has a striking resemblance
of the friend i used to know.
Why, your attitude is different from her!
I guess i prefer my old friend.
Her attitude is what i prefer.
I dont want rich wannabe-s as friends.
I want down-to-earth friends,
who neither feels inferior or superior,
when they hang out with me.
I want friends who I can look in the eye,
and talk, full of smiles and secrets,
be sure it doesnt leak out
and I shall thank God for giving me
a chance to be friends with those I desire.
I want friends to be serious when appropriate,
and play with me at the right time.
One who would cry with me, or laugh with me.
I want friends with a listening year.
One who would listen to my pleas,
give me good advices and keep them confidential.
One who lends me a helping hand
and see no fault in me.
Seriously, am I asking for too much?
I wonder if you treat me as a best friend -
because I treat you like one.
We're not as close as before.
But it was because I couldnt.
You stopped me before I could make things better.
And i realise it a moment too late.
A moment after you closed that door
of the path I've been walking all along.
I'm in a dead end. I'm lost.
The door was one I went through everyday,
but not any longer. You closed it.
I am saddened. But this you cannot see.
Time have passed.
Now all I see is a stranger.
A stranger whom I do not dare look in the eye.
To share my happiness and sorrow.
To care and help for.
I'm hesitating to knock on this door of yours,
fearing I'd adrupt your life, your peace, your friends.
You don't listen when I'm serious anymore.
It comes in one ear, and out the other.
Shall I stuff a earplug of patience in one ear?
So you would strain to hear me,
Or so my words stay in,
Or give you patience for adopting a listening ear?
You seem to treat me differently.
I do not dare talk to you.
You're apologising. For what - I do not know.
I'm at lost - Whose fault is this.
Am I being paranoid? Thinking too much?
Always looking towards the worst?
I cry.
I can't talk to you like I did, like I do to others.
I want to try. But I do not dare.
I hope you chance upon this blog,
and see how i feel deep down.
Yes, you may say I'm a coward.
But it's hard to explain.
Its hard to try. I fear the outcomes.
I've been brooding it every moment I'm awake.
It's like a throbbing headache with no cure.
It's like a nightmare running through my life.
I counter this with my sleep - but when i wake up,
this horrible feeling comes back. It's haunting me.
Teach me. Tell me.
I'm lost - For the umpteeneth time in life.
You talk to me as if nothing happened.
I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle.
I don't know.
It seems so certain you'd win this battle.
But I'll feel bad when that day comes.
This is hurting me badly.
Tell me what am I to say.
I want to go star-gazing.
But there's no stars in sight tonight.
In hope for a better tomorrow.
-nIx- @ [[8:50 PM]]
